Shifting, Packing, Mercury’s Viciousness, and the Caricature of Pamela Anderson

Hi My Canine friends and their wonderful human companions,

We are still here. Everything’s packed except Ms. Artist’s artwork. She’s got about 30 huge blade-works (wildlife and fantasy) all framed in glass, and so they have to packed with care! And you know who would pack them up – not she. She won’t want to cut her precious fingers binding them up. My Cameo will be taking them off the walls, wrapping them into the bubble paper, and then binding them up. It’s going to be about 3 hours of tiring work! Dewey, you say that I am unnecessarily harsh on Mercury…am I?

Other Questions answered:

• Jake & Just Harry (what prompted my foray into the chemical analysis of the properties of Ms. Mercury? – Answer: Mercury herself.)
• Khyra & her Mom (Does she run off a table if woo put her on it? – Answer: We need to check it out. Khyra and I can together drag her up a table and plonk her there – then see what happens.)
• Essex and Deacon (We thought Mercury was the closest to the sun? – Answer:  Hah…does she ever let us know who she’s closest to?)
• Dewey Dewster (Don’t ya think yer gettin’ a little bit vicious with Mercury there ??? – Answer:  Please refer to the first paragraph of this post. I rest my case.)

We are 99% confident of shifting tomorrow. Then it will take us a few days to have our Internet connection transferred to the new location – so I might not be able to blog for the next 4-5 days. The good news is that it might impact Mercury’s Caricature blog too. (Oh yes, I am jealous! Do you know that she’s added Pamela Anderson to her blog?) Let me tell you about it.

This Caricature of Pamela Anderson and two homeless fishes tells us how cosmetic surgery of a specific type has an adverse impact on our environment – and how it is preventing fishes from living peacefully in their man-made habitat!
Do visit Mercury’s Caricature blog (DogGod, why do I do this again and again!) and view Pamela Anderson’s Caricature.

Chemical Properties and Health Effects of Mercury (Hg – Her Geniality! Hmmph!)

At normal temperatures (and these days the temperature is normal) Mercury isn’t solid. Additionally, she is heavy – no doubt, and a rather poor conductor of heat, which is why her toes are always cold in winters. She alloys easily with many creatures, such as rats, cats, and birds.

Her most important salt is table salt. Mercury has many uses. She can be used to increase the blood pressure of our other family members, of the canine as well as the human types. Mercury is also good at shocking people and so there isn’t any doubt that she is a good conductor of electricity too. Mercury is also used in tasks that require humans to turn into keyboard-killing zombies.

Mercury is rarely found alone in the environment. She’s either with me, or with Cameo, or with others of the human or animal kind. Unfortunately Mercury is poisonous when ingested, and so there’s no point biting her. For this reason, none of us has ever attempted to assassinate her.

All those who think that Mercury is nice and not toxic, need to wake up and review the effects that Mercury has on the health of those who befriend her. Those who come in direct contact with her feel light-headed and look cross-eyed! The after-effects of any such close contact with Mercury could result in the disruption of your daily routine, temporary memory lapses, and terrible pangs of hunger resulting in a strong need to cajole her into making Kabab paranthas.

References:

• http://www.lenntech.com/periodic/elements/hg.htm
• http://science.jrank.org/pages/4239/Mercury-Element.html

Packing, Sketchbooks, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie!

Aha!

I’ve finally won this battle of the Unequals and wrested the computer from the rat-loving procrastinator who we know so well as Mercury.

I’ve got a lot to talk about. There’s the very interesting and equally nauseating story about this cozy sort of relationship developing between Mercury and Mr. Mouse…and then there’s this hustle-bustle of packing, which’s been getting on my nerves!

Let me first tell you about the packing (or whatever little has happened on that front.) Then I’ll tell you how Mercury, the mouse-loving joker in this house was trying to manipulate Cameo into taking Mr. Mouse along to the new house. (I know, I know…your ears have flapped open and you’ve begun to drool…but not for this mouse. For starters, please don’t call him “mouse,” he is Mr. Mouse – or Mr. Laat-Saheb, as Mercury calls him!) But before I puke, let me tell you that the mouse-story will have to wait – until tomorrow may be. Right now…let’s talk about packing.

Today was our weekly off, so we lined up the empty cartons, and began the long and tedious exercise of packing our stuff – so that it may be loaded into a truck, and then unloaded into the new house. We began with the books. So the books went into the cartons, then the files went into the cartons, then the sketchbooks went into the cartons…and then more sketchbooks…and more…and more…I counted around two dozen big ones, and a dozen small ones!

Now sketchbooks aren’t easy to pack, because you can’t put them into the cartons before opening them, and then ooh-aahing your way through the pages, to the end…when you woooaaaroooo sadly! Then the sketchbook is put into the carton!  You want to know about the ooh and the aah? Cameo does it, and I am supposed to imitate him. Then Ms. Highbrow (we’ve got one of our own…you see?) smiles that Mona Lisa smile! Now you want to know why that smile – right? Because we all sit and wonder how Mercury could’ve become an engineer and then worked in a Steel Plant’s machine shop, when she could fill up so many sketchbooks with respectable quality drawings of every kind!

Honestly all that makes me sick. I mean, forget it! Now you aren’t even an engineer – you are a writer of the weirdest sort – one who’s never heard about ever…so with your life zigzagging so much, isn’t it enough that you sleep on a full stomach! Pathetic, I tell you.

As you can surmise, the packing of the books took around half of the day – and we still have to do the clothes, the kitchen, and those other funny items that are strewn around this place…and I haven’t even mentioned the paintings and the computers!

BTW, Ms. Mercury’s Caricature blog is still getting its share of posts. Now I call that preferential treatment – what would you call it?
Check out Brad Pitt’s and Angelina Jolie’s Caricatures before you move on. Now those posts took time…right?

(PS: Laat-Saheb is the term used for people who are accustomed to all sort of luxuries, and who treat others like dirt. During the British Rule, this was the name given to the British Officers.)

Moving the House…The Last of our Survival Measures!

Of late, there’s been a lot more washing, cleaning, and donating at our place, than it’s usual. I’d been trying to sniff out the reason, but frankly…I failed. Either this old nose-o-mine wasn’t working properly in this fog n smog…or these two were keeping something from me…but then there’s no secret that can be kept for ever.

The whole month of January, these two’ve been disappearing for hours! We’d reach home about 4:00 PM in the afternoon, Mercury’d make tea, Cameo’d take me out, then we’d all settle down – they, for their hot cuppa, and I for my mutton kabab (KFC’s been crossed out of my menu…kababs have replaced it – I get one kabab a day…that’s it! Hmmph!) So, we’d get all cozy and comfy with our toes wrapped up in the quilt…when the phone’d ring (You won’t believe it – but Mercury’s got the Jingle Bells tune in her phone – because she’s tone-deaf and can’t recognize anything more complicated than that!). Cameo would take the call, and both of them would get dressed and scoot!

I’d then wait…and wait for them to return, which they would, around 9 in the night – looking like something that even the cats would shudder to sink their teeth in (apologies to all the hygienic pet cats of the world.) It was only about three days back that I was filled in – we are changing our acco. I must’ve mentioned that the three of us live in a rented house and the rents here’ve shot through the roof. Last year had been horrible to us – with revenues slipping through every crevice and falling into the abyss, the costs spiraling upwards…reaching I don’t know where…and all this followed by the robbery where those jokers denuded our office of all its possessions…well…you know it all. So this is going to be our last possible cost-cutting measure (the new rent is about 60% of what we are paying now.)…we are moving to a smaller, more inexpensive accommodation!

The point is – I was kept in the dark. They didn’t even take me along when they finalized the place. They tell me now, when the agreement is signed and everything’s final. Oh yes, Mercury’s told me that the terrace is even bigger, and so I can run around all I want; and that all our plants will be going along…but then, I won’t have a room to call my own. The place has a room less – so I’ll have to bunk with them (not that I don’t now – but it’s not need-based…it’s my own free will!)

Cribs aside, I am writing to tell you that we will be busy shifting our house now. This may lead to certain unavoidable disruptions in my blogging routine, but don’t worry – I will be using my blog to vent out my canine frustrations during this time…so I’ll be here…off and on!

It is the 11th Hour…and the Dogs need to take Stock!

Have you watched the movie, “The 11th Hour”? I think all dogs, cats, squirrels, donkeys, tigers, elephants…every non-human should watch this movie. Anchored by Leonardo DiCapiro, this movie is about the issues that are faced by “Rest of the Earth” and created by those we call “friends”, the humans!

I’ve been hearing about this climate debate for a long time. There was this Copenhagen Meet where the representatives of different human types***, in their typical human fashion failed to reach a consensus upon the amount by which they’d reduce their “carbon footprint.”

*** I call them different human types (the way you’ve got different dog-breeds, Mastiffs to Chihuahuas – similarly these humans have Americans, Chinese, Indians, and so on.) You can speak of them as of different nationalities, if you like – I’d say that the classification is childish – they all are bipedal, unthinking brutes, about half of them are driven by testosterone, which makes them kill each other, and the other half are blinded by the need to attract and bind the previous half!

If the current population growth rates continue, we’d see a population of 14 Billion by the end of this century, which is about 90 years from now. Right now, the human population that weighs down the earth is about 6.8 Billion (In the last 50 years, humans more than doubled their population! Around 1800 the human population was 1 Billion!) (Source)

Let us speak of us, the dogs – we are 400 million! (Source) And we aren’t speaking of an endangered species here. Now how did it happen that we, who have litters of 4-6 (or more) pups, and who begin to reproduce early…ended up with a population that’s a fraction of the human population? The answer is simple – humans have taken up more than their fair share of Earth’s resources.

THIS WORLD ALSO BELONGS TO US!

The movie “The 11th Hour” speaks of the inner human motivation – the truth behind the empty words that the human representatives bandy about. It is about the fact that humans are the most selfish of all species, and while they speak about the virtue of selflessness, all they practice is a manifestation of their greed to hog the environmental resources that belong to ALL OF US – not just to THEM!

Notwithstanding the “reactions” and the “criticism”, I’d say that the movie makes a point. It opens our eyes to the impending doom that stares all of us (dogs included) in the face! It might not visit us, the dogs of today, in our lifetime; but there’s a strong possibility that the humans that we love so well, would be roasted (medium) and their progeny would be charred black!

How’s this LIST OF CANINE DOs AND DON’Ts  to ensure that at least our loved humans, and our own pups don’t see the doomsday in their own lifetime.

1. Sleep with your humans – ask them to turn the internal heating/the heaters off.
2. Learn to blog >> Voice your Concern >> Demand your right to survive.
3. Don’t allow your humans to waste food. Bark at them when they throw food away and if they don’t listen to you – don’t hesitate…bite!
4. Make sure that the lights are switched off when they aren’t in use.
5. Convince your humans to use car-pools or smaller cars. If your car is not being used for porting dogs/humans in large numbers, what’s the point of owning a gas-guzzling ship? (Our roads are clogged by trucks that take about 40 square-feet, and when you look within, you find that it’s populated by one skinny human, who’s almost invisible, thanks to the new-in-size-0 look! Every human today wants a car – and in this part of the world, most don’t even want to share it with the dogs!)
6. Keep your humans busy…especially if there’s already a child in the family. This will keep their mind off certain other activities that could enhance the international population growth rate.

We, the dogs of today won’t be there when the Earth fries, but for our young and innocent human friends and the dear pups of tomorrow – let us do what we can.

Celebrity Caricatures & Cartoons by You Know Who.

Well…well. This post is being extracted from me under duress. I’ve been threatened with the ball-nap of my Choon-choon, if I don’t make this post. So please bear with me, and help me gain the freedom of my Choon-choon without which life seems to be the endless Sahara desert to me.

Here’s a list of celebrity caricatures that she’s created in the last one month.  This list would mean nothing to my regular visitors who’ve already navigated their way to her blog.  However, if you are one of those wonderful sniffers who found this blog through a search – you might want to sneak a peek (from a humorous angle) at your favorite celebrity.

1. Jack Nicholson and the Two Birds – As Good as it Gets!
2. Morgan Freeman a.k.a Detective Alex Cross and… The Two Dueling Mosquitoes.
3. Michelle Obama – The First Lady’s Smile & The Toothpaste Ad!
4. Barack Obama – What worries him? The Pups Know – Sasha, Malia, and Bo!
5. Nicole Kidman, Her Nose and the Bloodhounds!
6. Tiger Woods, Women, Nike, and Devil!
7. Halle Berry, her Hairstyle, and the Birds!
8. Johnny Depp – Captain Jack Sparrow – The Pirate!

Not many dog-caricatures, as you must’ve noted. Well… the reason isn’t a lack of effort on my part, I assure you…but don’t worry – I have something up my (ah well…the web of my paws?) for you:)

BTW, it’s brrry…brrry cold out here – the news-reader said that the night temperatures may go down to 3 degree centigrade (37.5 F)! Now, that’s cold for this part of the world.

You keep yourself and your loved ones warm:)

Mercury – the Cultural Misfit in her own Culture!

Ah…so where am I?

I am here, sitting on our bed (to be precise, upon our comforter) and motivating Mercury to type this post for me. It isn’t easy because Mercury isn’t feeling great right now. Here’s why.

Mercury and Cameo were invited to a Lodhi party where people sit around a fire and throw corn into it. This is accompanied by singing, dancing, drinking (by men), and soft-drinking (by women, as women don’t drink alcoholic drinks…openly.) All this is then followed by Dinner. Now, Cameo is a more social person than Mercury, while Mercury is downright clumsy when it comes to singing, dancing, and merry-making of the performing sort (she’s good at telling stories and jokes, but they aren’t valued in our parties.) So…she escaped.

Now she’s sitting here…helping me write this post.

Wait…there’s someone at the door!

…oh! It’s Cameo.

Here’s their conversation.

“Mercury? What are you doing here?”

“Writing a post for Oorvi.”

“Come down…running away like this isn’t nice.”

“But nobody is missing me.”

“That’s right…but you should come downstairs and sit there.”

(Note that all women sit together on one side of the fire, and all men on the other side.)

“But I was bored.”

“…” (Nothing…just some sort of funny expression on Cameo’s face.)

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Let me finish this post.”

“OK. “

So…now she’s got to leave. She’ll now go downstairs, sit in a chair like an idiot, and listen to Punjabi songs that she won’t understand. I wish she had learned how to sing and dance…these are two very important womanly attributes in our society!

Bye then…

My assistant fears that if Cameo has to come upstairs again, he wouldn’t like it at all.

Humans are Crazy – The Obama Caricatures (Michelle & Barack), the Toothpaste Ad, Rabbits, and Racism!

Well…well!

Color has been the primary differentiator among humans – and I can’t understand why. I can’t understand because I separate the good from the bad from the smell – and my color spectrum begins at Blue and ends at Yellow! But this row about a racist toothpaste ad is something that makes me wonder why humans are such creeps! I mean what’s a person’s color got to do with her nature and abilities? (his too, before my post begins to smack of reverse-gender bias)

Note: When I saw the advertisement, I did feel that there was an underlying attempt to negate racism, but it didn’t come out too strongly – but if this is the ad with “Obama likeness” I disagree – the guy in the ad doesn’t look like the US president at all.

You know that my world is made of two humans, one dog (me), and one mouse (our paying guest.) Now two of us are fair (Cameo and I) and two are dark (not as in evil – just in skin color – mind you) – and they are Mercury and Mr. Mouse.

When poor Mercury grew up, surrounded with her fair-skinned maternal cousins, she was always discriminated against. They called her the Black Queen etc., which was fine with her because she didn’t mind being called a queen:) Then when she met Cameo, and told her parents that they wanted to be married, Mercury’s dad wondered why Cameo, a fair-skinned Punjabi (a race of beautiful people) would like to marry a dark-skinned, average-looking Mercury! These are just some instances of the discrimination a dark-skinned person has to face in our land, which is so very far off from the land of Barack Obama and Michelle Obama, who I think are two beautiful people with two beautiful kids!

Dewey’s comment on Mercury’s blog made me reflect over these attitudes that humans possess. When our caricaturist made this caricature of Michelle Obama, she thought that the American First Lady’s smile was her best feature – and she tried to find humor in it! Despite my personal misgivings about Mercury’s way of life, I agree with her – we should try to find innocent and not barbed, gory humor, in the world around us.

Check out Michelle Obama’s and Barack Obama’s Caricature,  and decide whether it is possible or not.

The Chief Inspiration Officer & the Caricature of Barack Obama

I am supposed to be the Chief Inspiration Officer or the CIO for the D-COM project. This obviously means that I am responsible for inspiring everyone. However, as my responsibilities were never defined clearly, I assumed that I could inspire people for doing anything at all – which included inspiring our Office Assistant for giving me about five helpings of biscuits! Somehow, Ms. Jealous-to-the-Bones couldn’t swallow it (I don’t mean the biscuits here…) She’s rationed my biscuits.

When it comes to inspiring Mercury, I try to – I do – believe me. Unfortunately, my inspiration doesn’t result in work for the D-COM project…instead, what we get is a caricature of Barack Obama and two pups trying to figure out why he is lost in thoughts! Ask me – I’ll say he’s wondering what he did to get the economy back to its feet…but they think otherwise.

Here’s the link to the caricature! The artist needs to make the text more legible. Don’t you agree with me?

What's he thinking?

Well…those two pups in the background? You are right – They were inspired by me.

Perceptions – Neanderthal man vs. The Homo Sapien Man.

She added another comic picture to her blog. Hmmph!

It’s said that we form our perceptions on the basis of our past experiences. For this reason, what may look ugly to me (fur-less humans) might look beautiful to humans (note the unending stream of advertisements that sell hair-removal creams and techniques)!

(Note: You’ll be surprised at the number of Hair Removal blogs that Google turned up for this search string – humans seem to have a passion for removing hair – thank god, they don’t try to groom us the way they groom themselves!)

Here’s another dimension of the same concept.

Caricature/Cartoon – Neanderthals vs. Homo Sapiens – Perceptions

I wish you all a very Happy New Year!