The day before yesterday was a Monday. Mondays are holidays. Mondays should be spent at home. Mondays should be dedicated to your pup…I could go on an on, but why? Would my rant change anything around this dump I call home? I say – NO.
I am a pup with few needs. I don’t ask for much. Some chicken or cottage cheese in my bowl, an occasional bucket of KFC, a new ball every a month, and a couple of happy jaunts with my XY type human friend – this sums up my requirements. I stay alone the whole day – from 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening, and I seldom do anything to annoy them (discount the shredded newspapers, dear canine detective – I have a feeling that they deliberately leave the newspaper lying about.)
Other than my limited requirements listed above, I am emotional about just one more thing. I like them to stay home on Mondays. Sometimes they have to go out grocery-shopping and I understand that deviation. I am cool with it. Yeah, really. But this Monday they left me alone and went out – not to shop for the groceries but to watch Terminator Salvation! Believe it or not, they left their cute little dog alone in the oven called home and jiggled off to the air-conditioned cinema hall!
I guessed it from the way they moved – and I got the confirmation when Cameo drew out the movie tickets from his wallet. When Mercury the sci-fi expert of the family, began telling him the story-so-far, my fears were re-confirmed. Those two Cheapskates were going off to watch a movie…and they weren’t going to take me along! Dogs aren’t allowed inside movie-halls, is their forever excuse! Harrumphh!
Before they stepped out of the house, I had made up my mind to give them a strong dose of what you’d call the canine medicine. I had about three hours to plan it out, and with that clod Mercury around, there’s always a lot of material to execute the most horrible kinds of canine revenges!
So when I heard their car leave, I sat down right in the middle of the living room, and took it all in – quite like those terminators do. Within 2 micro-seconds, I had registered the shape, size, position, temperature, and threat-levels of each object in the room. I realized that the only object that could be targeted for termination was the Monday Newspaper. I recalled that Cameo hadn’t read the newspaper in the morning! Voila. I had found the weapon that would aid me implement my plan!
Now my whole being was focused upon the newspaper that lay upon the table. As the chairs were pushed in, I couldn’t use the easiest canine maneuver of hopping up the chair to reach the table. Thus, I had to improvise and it took me about half an hour to access the weapon of peace destruction! I stood up on my hinds, tottered a little, and almost gave it up about ten times. Finally, huffing and panting, I managed to make it fall to the floor.
I checked the clock, drank some water, and then I cool-headedly set about destroying the newspaper. There’s no point tearing the newspaper aimlessly. To make it truly useless, you have to shred it by tearing it into long ribbons first, and chewing some of those ribbons in little feathery pieces. The job requires complete dedication. In fact, while shredding, the experienced dogs often enter a trance-like state that humans achieve through meditation.
:::::Spoiler Warning: Terminator Salvation – A vague canine sketch of the plot follows. If you are planning to watch the movie – stop reading now!:::::
(PS: Even if you don’t, scanning through the following list shouldn’t affect your viewing pleasure – the Spoiler Warning is only a formality. All Terminator Salvation Reviews must begin with a Spoiler Warning, otherwise who’d read them? BTW, the fact that you are reading this, tells me that the warning didn’t work any way!)
While I meditated (read shredded the poor newspaper into bits,) in the Cinema Hall -
1. Marcus revived,
2. John Connor left his pregnant girlfriend behind to tackle the menace of skynet’s machines,
3. Kyle Reese, Marcus, and their little friend left LA and fought with the machines, Reese was abducted by the machines,
4. the Resistance’s plans to bomb Skynet were foiled by Connor with some help from Marcus,
5. Marcus (half-man, half-machine) preferred to stay human,
6. Marcus first rescued Connor from Skynet,
7. then Connor blew up the Skynet center, and
8. finally Marcus saved John Connor by giving him his heart!
Phew! Isn’t that a bit too much? And it sort of lacked focus – didn’t it?
I mean how could so much happen in two hours? I like to do a perfect job. No distractions. No. I wouldn’t have them. I also wouldn’t want to spend my time wondering about what would happen in 2018! Really…I mean what difference would it make to a 15 year old dog who is 105 in human years!
Well, I was just giving some finishing licks to my work, when the door opened and these two stood there – watching me with their mouths open! I didn’t run-off to hide myself. It was my protest – the non-violent kind…and they were the ones who were supposed to feel guilty – right?
They did, I guess, because Mercury burst out laughing when she saw the neat pile of the newspaper shreds and then the defiant look on my face; and Cameo came to me gathered me into his arms. Mmm…he makes me forget the world!
But hold it! What was that?! He smelled of other dogs? I began losing my temper again…
Stumble Oorvi's Diary!
Our humans have become wise and subscribed to Netflix here in the U.S. Movie DVD’s delivered to your home to watch with six happy Siberians curled up in their laps.
Hey Oorvi,
I tell ya I’m really behind on readin’ yer blog….why ya finally got productive while we got…..well……lazy……yep……really lazy……fer sure. Gram said ta tell Mercury that she is extremely flattered that she thinks Gram knows somethin’ about writin’. Tell Mercury that her ‘n Cameo are infinitely better educated than Gram ever was. Gram won a poetry contest in highschool and always wanted ta write a historical romance novel, but never did. She still likes ta write poetry ‘n she sure wishes she could help Mercury but she bets Mercury can write rings around her.. yes siree……fer sure…….. ‘n she says that ’cause if she’s helpin’ ya write yer blog….she’s really sure that she’s light years ahead of Gram in the literary department.
Now on ta yer newspaper caper…….that was not nice Oorvi…..not at all…..I mean ta tell ya….we never did anythin’ like that, at all……nope, never ever. Ya need ta understand that ya can’t go ta the theater……why they would have a heart attack if they saw a doggie in there. Yer better off at home anyway….why, ya would think that movie was just a bunch of stupid blabberin’….special effects that can’t happen in real life and certainly defy the sensibilities of a canine marketing guru like yerself.
Oh and Gram said ta tell ya she has been readin’ a new book about holistic care fer doggies and the vet that wrote the book gives his doggies (Pomeranians) cooked bones ta eat and says that they never had any problems. Feeds ‘em all people food….no dog food at all…..says it isn’t good fer any doggies at all. Gram always has been cookin’ up special stuff fer us anyway ( ta add ta our dogfood)…..now she bought some brown rice cause this Doc said it’s better fer doggies…’n people too. We sure like our special food…’n Gram even gave us some turkey bones the other day…but she watched ta make sure we didn’t choke on ‘em.
Well, I tell ya we’re havin’ a nice trip at the cottage but it’s been rainin’ cats ‘n dogs since we got here….why, It’s rainin’ at home too. When Gram told us it was rainin’ cats ‘n dogs, we looked up at the sky ta see if any were falliin’ outta it but we couldn’t see any fallin’ at all. Maybe we’ll see some tomorrow.
We will try ta catch up on yer other posts later….this dialup takes about 15 minutes fer a blog page ta load and we have been busy plantin’ stuff around here. There are tomatoes on the plants but the ones here are not as big as the ones at home….no one around all the time ta feed ‘em and water ‘em……except the rain is doin’ a splendid job right now….hope it sticks around after we leave. Gram planted a dogwood tree taday, 2 lilac bushes, 3 shrubs, and a climatis….all in the stupid clay soil we have here. She’s been weedin’ fer 3 days now but there’s still more weeds ta pull. Problem is…they will all be right back where they were when we come back again. It’s a never-endin job, I tell ya. Pap is workin’ on the porch roof still…ya know when ya get old it takes ya 3 times as long ta do things as the young ones take. But the old folks have sure been sleepin’ good after doin’ all that work, I tell ya.
Listen, gotta go…it’s gettin’ late and we’ve been runnin’ ’round so much here that our little legs are tired too….so we get ta curl up and sleep with those 2 old fogies….ya know ta recharge yer batteries…fill yer empty tank….oh, ya know what I mean, don’t ya ????
Tell Mercury and Cameo ta take a rest now and again……havin’ only Mondays off is not enough time ta recharge anythin’….’n ya need more attention than that……
Oh yeah, it’s tomorrow there already….well, ya all have a great day and don’t work too hard….
Oh yeah and I hit the wrong button and didn’t get ta add my signature good-bye…….sheesh….see what happens when yer tired…….
Later, Oorvi…………….
Dewey Dewster here………
Hey Oorvi….
I think I’ll take up a bit more space cause lookin’ over that comment got me ta thinkin’ it was just shy of a book…….why, I can sure be long winded, can’t I ? ‘N everyone else leaves such concise comments……
Dewey Dewster here…..
I think Dewey needs to talk with someone more frekhwently than woo post…
I mean, I’m in the same state as he is but a difFURent part!
My mom has attention span issues evfur since she was voted off The Island in Dec 04 – it seems to have khompromised some part of her brain funkhtions…
SO a movie is a real challenge!
Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
Our favorite types of movie are dog meets boy, boy gets in trouble, dog saves boy and then licks him silly. Yep, those are our favorite movies.
Essex & Deacon
Terminator Salvation is a very good movie. It is obvious that even without Schwarzenegger the movie can be good. The action scenes are top-notch.